I made a free-verse poem. I pray someone specific never finds my site or I'm fried. When I read
it back now, it sounds so cringe. I defintiely feel better than I used to about it...
I wish to hold you
My hands intertwined with yours
To understand you
When you look at me, your eyes stare at mine
If my eyes are the window to my soul
Are yours just a mirror?
Was there no depth
To reach into your ribcage
To feel the beating of your heart
Feeling the warmth of your skin
Your radiant smile
To sink into your presence
Kneeling at my own weakness
Why did it happen?
Why you?
Why me?
Was it doomed to be a fleeting moment in the spring
Before the flowers bloom
The trees still bare exposed to the eye
Will I forget this?
Is this simply an experience
A glimpse of what I could have
Could give you
Could cherish
Yet I still
I’m still me
A coward hiding as a wolf
My brain altered once more
Feelings are said to be beautiful to experience
Yet I still am here
Like this
With you
Without you
I long to feel your hand in mine
Besides the physical connect of our bodies
I just want to hold your hand
To be yours
To be mine
To understand
Yet my own ignorance
My own stupidity
My own lack of self control
Should this have never happened
Why did it?
You aren’t mine
Not yet?
Your heart beats for another
Yet mine beats for Him
While it skips around for you
You are important but you aren’t the most important
All advice is the same
Yet it doesn’t feel better
No word
No speech
No touch
If I replaced your touch
Would I forget?
Will my breath stay even?
Would I be free?
I cannot love something I never had
Yet here I am
A flower wilting, blooming
Staring at you
Staring at me
How pathetic I am
How beautiful I am
When I didn’t chase the breeze
I ended up here
Yet when I do
My symptoms are never like this
I simply win
Are you just a game?
Are we a game?
Was I the loser all along
Running away
I run and run and run
Yet I still
I wish to be free
Release me from you
Yet you don’t understand
If I loved a decade older
Will I be better?
Yet I still
Want to understand you,
To keep you near,
Safe
With me
Please hold my hand
Not my petals
My heart
Not my stems
My roots
Yet I still